the point is you're a fool my friend i told him as i kicked him repeatedly in the bollocks. or her if we interpret this as a metaphor for my rage at my sisters NOT getting the single pjharvey ticket her friend at work was selling. 'but it was a single ticket' she whinged. yes. yes it was. BUT I HAVE FRIENDS GOING. and i am not hugely afraid of going to gigs on my own. not hugely. not unless the toms are there. did that make sense to anyone? i refer you to stonysleep gigs. check me at 14. yeah. it all makes sense if you'r me :)

so im moving my stuff up from the lounge into my bedroom. which is an attic room yknow. that means its up a fuckload of stairs. thats ok, but its also fulla crap. and i mean real crap. today i found a load of elastic bands melted onto the top of my desk (keep reading for more desk-related fun) 2 rulers and enough fluff to run a fluff turbine. ok you think. no problem. um...but the room is fulla crap and i gotta move a roomful of good crap into it. hmmm. physics. so yay lets have a chucking out party! it should be noted that i have spent about 5 years trying to tidy my room. i firmly believe that theres too much in it to tidy it and therefore all things must be removed. preferably by throwing them out the window. i see the desk. the desk sees me. (this is the bit where the desk plays a major role). we look at each other. that music from the good the bad and the ugly comes on. then i put on my army boots and spend half an hour kicking it to pieces. rarr. apart from i wasnt hugely successful so i ended up dragging the main body of my desk through the house -rather like achilles and hector - down the stairs over bannisters and out by the bins. i was so hot. gross. but fulfilling.

actually that really wasnt very interesting. that was the high point of my day. kinda puts things in perspective.

so the dreaded jew weekend looms ever closer.. it starts friday -as weekends are wont to do - and finishes sunday - ditto - which means i miss chuck berry and jerry lee lewis. and no theyre not dead. goddamitt.

being back in london has left me feeling slightly disjointed. i cant help getting all aggro when my sister keeps fussing over me, turning lights on for me and shit. I WANNA GO BLIND U FUCKER! not helped by the fact that i have done all her washing up (after every meal no less) since ive been back. that aint right. the chance to destroy furniture today however has settled my inner turbulence. almost as much as the prospect of the drama festival at my old school which i shall be checking out on monday. the latin play comes highly recommended.

AND I ONLY HAVE A SINGLE TICKET....

jess

david lepper has sent me a press release. where will the madness end?

so my first post from londres eh? noticed the sun came out, just enought for the glasto-goers to remove their plastic bags before it poured again. mwa ha ha ha.

the trip up here was murderous. at least it wouldve been if i wasnt slightly sedated by having pulled an allnighter and being WASTED mate im telling you. the worst part was sitting in the house with no music books or food waiting and hour for my dad and alec to get back from removing the fish (not removing in a dissappearing maffia style way, just transporting them to alexs new pad) i sat and stared at a wall. no really. for an hour. not even a variety of walls, no, just the one. well its good to be consistent at any rate.

am still not really tired i wanna go raving and smoking and sightseeing right now but london is so big and i am somewhere up its arse end with my friends in the general area of the nipple. and this is mammoth size we're talking. i mean itd take days to trek to the nipple. itd be a fucking exodus. a pilgrimage. the pilgrimage of the nipple. stick that one in your pipe and smoke it.

slight pangs of guilt for actually just leaving loadsa stuff at number 6 in grillys room in the hope that laurenec will ignore my syphillis curse and collect it for storage. hope they can both forgive me before moving in time... speaking of which the ever elusive joel has over come hygeine reservations to agree to join our collective. (borg rather than anarchist. tho he doesnt know that yet).

missing people is odd. especially when you didnt expect to. phantom limb stylee.

and incidentally, i did read the other 2 of the kinky f crime wankers in a day and a bit. so yah boo.
jess
xxx

so yesterday there were these heavy motherfucking gales and the west pier collapsed into the sea. not all of it, but enough to set back restoration again. the pier-god really has it in for that pier. so on my way back from dinner at ricks - rarr he cooked such a nice vegan rice meal yum - i walked along the sea front and checked out the damage. i was just sitting there and this wind man i mean its really pummelling me. and the colapsed bit of the pier looks like this beached leviathan and its so beautiful and oddly aweinspiring and i just sat there feeling insanely happy. when i went to leave the beach i couldnt see a thing cos the lights from the road were blinding in a dull orangey way, and it turned out that id been in that cordoned off for safety area of the beach. oops. but i brought back some nice wood (ex of the pier) for the house. i think mine is growing things...

in other news, i dropped my bike back off at the shop so they can store it for me over the summer. somehwat worryingly they took the keys as well.... im gonna get back and the mileage will have shot up. or he'll have sold it - no really! i mean he threatens to all the time. half the profits my ass.

shooting off back to londres on saturday so im missing the crazy antiwar shit that YOU should check out saturday afternoon (see sussex action for peace for info). its all back to the revo grind heh heh.

annas birthday happened (happy birthday) and the party was real nice involving odd drawings and whos in the bag. pete yelling about masturbating in public across the room is memorable, as is the cutie modelling photos (Dom: woah jess, u look FIT! Me thinking: ok no need to sound quite so surprised. grr). hopefully my work is gonna get stocked there soon. but until then the quote of the week remains robin(girl)'s 'So is Gandalf Jewish then?'

hasta la victoria siempre! or something...
jess

wow, so i finally got my own name on the sign-in for my blog!rarr i have the power.hear me roar.

its a bit of an odd one this time around. i had to actually come to terms with moving out and not seeing some of my friends for a year. like i went to annas bbq and just sat in the corner feeling miserable and kinda antisocial.u know, how u get to a gathering thats in full swing and ur not fucked enough or confident ewnough to just piclk up the salad bowl thats hogging the centre stage and lob it out the window. dude, i am so more interesting than some lettuce. or so i thought to myself as i sat in the corner nursing someone elss drink and smoking someone elses fag.check grilly for the best walk home ever.

so the great pack up started. last year it took me 22 hours to pack up my room. can i do it in less AND fit it oin the car? i gues loading my bed, computer and plants off on other people might be considered cheating but ive already spent about 8 hours on it and its still a very full room. hence my sudden drive to donate to charity. hertford junior school may yet be the recipient of my piano. some cerebal palsy victims looked to be the front runners but those junior school kids just kicked them in the nuts and rampaged to first place. bizarrely community centres around brighton all tell me they dont have room for a piano. grilly says its cos theyre full of communities. ut a piano isnt that big. the ungrateful fucks. just wait till the government cuts their funding. then we'll see whos laughing. yep. me.

went over-shopping this week what with buying new clothes AND beths old clothes. she spent abotu half an hour trying to explain to me what was smart/casual and what was smart (for the benifit of the good journos where i will be doing my work experience who seem to be having collective hernias over rumours of my appearance). turns out, that the other night when we went clubbing and i was wearing, u know, that distinctive sock/shoe combo, i wasnt actually SMART. nope. barely scraped smart/casual there it seems. so any donations of a tux gratefully received. and a top hat. no really. i really really want one.

wai kika moo kau are the new infinity. check out their 2nd secret venue in the laines. less crowded more chilled and less hot and stressed. beautiful vegan foods. soya mocha. burger chips and salad. o my. o my o my. i just sat there grinning my little ass off. soya mocha i said. sure thing they said. sigh. thats treatment for you.

im sorry i have actually tried to resist talking about this but i just have to let it out. I HATE ALL PEOPLE GOING TO GLASTONBURY. i especially hate the fact that with the coming of glastonbury about five people have asked to borrow my clothes.its like dude i wear these clothes all year. get your own scabby hippy shit.fascists. luckily its raining so i prediect a particularly cold rainy mouldy hungry unhappy celibate glasto for all concerned. and if u see the pixies may u be cursed with syphilis. AND scrot rot. mwa ha ha.

on a happy note, cutie might be stocking those cards i make!i gotta show them samples but they seem up for it. i mean how cool would that be? to get my shit sold in a shop. dont wanna dwell on it too long cos its far too easy to get sucked into pipe dreams.

so yesterday was summer solstice, caught a great blues band at the fitzherbert who climaxed with a leadbelly tune (TUNE!) which had me stampin my foot all over the place. and then down to the beach for an elusive bonfire. i got hit by flying lumps of red hot wood - check out my hardcore burns on arms and hands - but was quite fucked so the pain really only hit when i got home.twas nice indeed twas but all got a bit sad and sinister as robinboy had a bit of a sad moment over me and kate. if i could sackcloth and ash i guess i would. but ... i mean, yknow. what can i do?

so she stayed over again for her last night in brighton pre-glasto (she is not in fact exempt from the syphilis epidemic i have cursed you with) and hey i suck with goodbyes so it was again sad and slow and achey and is it worth it? dodged annas bday lunch cos i couldnt deal with a second more prolonged bye. like watching the first in freezeframe slo-mo.

sometimes i can feel my body decaying.

xxx

can i actually fill u in on the whole week in 12 minutes? the net cafe certainly thinks so. but we wouldnt be in this situation at all if my disk hadnt corrupted thereby preventing me from sending in artciles for the youth magazine im editing and forcing me to trawl through the 1800 emails in my inbox to recover the originals. so theres something to be said for not deleting them after all.

well it certainly has been eventful. check kates party on the weekend which was fancy dress (thanks for not telling me guys) and had a spectacular goodbye which resulted in me and her going for breakfast the next day. cafe mtu is the place for it man but their vegan options are a bit limited.

rock and rolling yesterday, my pink shoe and green socks (my dads no less) combo was staggering and obviously offended a random man so much that he started on me and i ended up calling the police and hiding with robingirl, anna, kate, beth, jenny c around the corner at some kebab hole. nice. formal complaint coming your way mr 'why do you find this man threatening' policeman. um...cos hes trying to fight me? seems obvious enough...

so me and laurenec and grilly are gonna move in with joel probably which seems like a cool idea. but everyones already a bit intimidated by his genius. i guess we're all just gonna have to have pep talks about how great we are to protect us from feelings of inadequacies come september.

7 minutes to go guys, how exciting. somewhere in the week a nazi tried to steal my vespa - watch me disembowel his dog thats what u get and we'll have no more trouble here.

my hair finally lived up to its skank promise with the ineveitable colonisation of lice, thank you all who donated their friendly bugness, my scalp was indeed somewhat lonely. all is resolved now methinks tho they seem to have spread rather rapidly thru our friends. but it really highlights the 6 degrees of separation theory.. anyway spent 10 hours soaking my head in a great concoction of ethanol, vinegar and peroxide then wrapped in clingfilm and plastic bags. and u thought i was sexy BEFORE!

5 minutes to go. in the same week i voted, smoked and generally mourned the all too speedy passing of my last days in brighton. i did not read your blogs, lie, or succumb to mild cheese cravings.

check me and my dumbass grin. things are looking up...
jess
xxx

and it all started off so well....

Your Existing Situation

Readily participates in things that provide excitement or stimulation. Wants to feel exhilarated.

Your Stress Sources

Has lost the resilience and strength of will necessary to contend with existing difficulties. Feels overtaxed and getting nowhere, but continues to stand her ground and still pursues her objectives with a fierce intensity. This subjects her to intolerable pressure from which she wants to escape, but she cannot bring herself to make the necessary decision. As a result she remains firmly involved in the problem and can neither view it objectively nor get rid of it--he cannot leave it alone and feels she will only be at peace when she has reached her objective.

Your Restrained Characteristics

Emotionally inhibited. Feels forced to compromise, making it difficult for her to form a stable emotional attachment.

Your Desired Objective

In despair and needs relief of some sort. Wants physical ease, a problem free security, and the chance to recover.

Your Actual Problem

The fear that she may be prevented from achieving the things she wants leads her into a relentless search for satisfaction in the pursuit of illusory or meaningless activities.

Your Actual Problem #2

The tensions induced by trying to cope with conditions which are really beyond her capabilities, or reserves of strength, have led to considerable anxiety and a sense of personal (but unadmitted) inadequacy. She reacts by seeking outside confirmation of her ability and value in order to bolster her self-esteem. Inclined to blame others so that she may shift the blame from herself. Anxiously searching for solutions and prone to compulsive inhibitions and compulsive desires.

so the real question is: does benny goodman sound like the music from ghost world? i think..... not. say it with me dude: i think.... not. ah, that just feels so good doesnt it? nice to know its having a resurgence.sean would be so proud. if he knew it even existed.
the last badger of this academic year has been raped, impregnated, aborted, skullfucked, shaved and castrated. and now we lay it to rest. the beast is dead. i am the new god. and you love it.
finally fulfilled my weekend chill-plan after a whole day, yes i repeat that, a whole day, spent trying to pick up. who the fuck tries to pick up on j-day? only me. damn those london kids and their weed parties. grr. kate saved my ass which was indeed a pleasurable experience on many levels. (would love to say it was so deep man but cant bring myself to type that kinda half assed (geddit?) pun. o. i suck huh? heh heh) twas a bit late in the day tho, was already on my way to beths. cant remeber what happened there. o yeah, i watched someone slice off their face and feed it to the dog. and then we watched hannibal. the video game geeks played video games. u wouldnt believe it, but yesterday they informed me that it was 'a lifestyle choice'. i annoyed them a bit by substituting everything after 'life' for waste. very defensive lads. go outside for fucks sake and stop the melatonin deficiency in its tracks! or blow up iraqis. whatever.
u can tell that got me mad huh? yeah i was angered. dont get me wrong, i lve em myself. but they're recreational ie a break from LIFE. LIFE is not fucking VIDEOGAMES. and anyone who disagrees will get beats. and it shouldnt be too hard for me to pulp ya cos your muscles have all atrophied from sitting on that damn sofa all your life (waste). nuff said.
saturday and sunday saw me sunbathing in the garden with smoke and books (dude read 'what a carve up'. rokka) twas great, even the burning. (see, no melatonin deficiency for me! mwahahaha) dont know if i even left the house. got a call from joe yesterday tho BORED with the afore(over)mentioned gamesters so we went and played pool. i got id-ed for orange juice. what? yep indeedy. went thru all the rigmarole of showing id. it wasnt accepted. i need a passport or a driving licence. dude, do u READ my blog? i LOST my fucking passport and i dont HAVE a driving licence. what is there not to accept about my student card? Im 20 u piece of shit. I have a tattoo. i drive a bike. i work in bars. WHAT IS THERE NOT TO ACCEPT? accept my boot in your face townie whore. it doesnt have id either...
so we played pool -i lost- retreated back to beths where we played chess -i lost- and then had the lifestyle chat i have already described. (i didnt lose that altho i ran away. but we all know i won on moral grounds.)
still missing robingirl. wonder what its gonna be like when she has a year away? sad i guess. no one cleans the house when shes not around. altho to be honest, when shes around its only her that cleans the house anyway...
am slowly recovering from the debilitating snot disease i had a coupla days ago. apologies must go to grilly who seems to have caught it. and right at the start of his exams and all. sorry.
interesting item on the news today, some guy wants the working classes to smoke as its the only fun they have. yeah, kill off our labour force you cunt! some of us have cars that need cleaning and shoes that need polishing and cocks that need sucking. *sigh* fool. i guess that wasnt a totally accurate description of the story, but think of me as piers morgan. it was a truthful depiction of what it could have been like. or something.
anyhoo comrades, have to go back into the virtual world of online purchasing to make a (last?) desperate attempt to get boyrobins bday present. see y'all in the 'underage reject queue' wherever, whenever. unless you have a passport you lucky fucker.
jess

well i guess i should apologise AGAIN for my absence somewhere i said id be. seem to be making a habit of standing people up. and its just NOT NICE. mia apologia. i did queue for half an hour tho so gimmee a break. no one can be expected to cope with that sort of monotony! west side story filled in the gaps at robins, and what with the clicking and butt wiggling and my being inspired to break into song loudly at every opportunity a great time was had by all.
had one of those chats with beth. yknow, the ones you just shouldnt start cos u dont have time but then u do and then u have to leave and its raining anyway when you do and everyone comes out feeling shitty like theyve just become lactose intolerant or something. twas okay but noone likes to hear what they already know huh? i mean i get up every morinign and i think this shit, but acting on it? nah that is way too hard man. its all about the letting go.
havent actually had a chance to just laze around the house and chill since i finished exams on tuesday. think this weekend is gonna be the not getting out of pyjamas all day weekend. u knwo u want it.
so i booked my holiday to morocco with boyrobin yesterday. its odd how much more stressful actually booking the holiday is than going on it. tho it does raise somewhat unnerving questions about the whereabouts of my passport...
keep finding beautiful sounding but expensive houses for me grilbo and laurenec to live in. 'why didnt we just rent the garage?' i cry. check out our homeless chic next academic term.
the smell of rotting nachos that some fuck has left a plate of in this room is getting to me. im either gonna throw the plate otu the window thus concussing someone below and covering them with putrid corny rankness or im gonna go. the latter it is then in the interests of remaining criminal record free.
see y'all (or not if i dont show...)
jess
x

i dunno what happened there. y'all mustve thought i was dumb huh? cos ysee i actually POSTED last friday. where is it? i dunno. not only is my post strangely absent, but i asked all of u if u enjoyed it! 'yes' you said. how could u have? it DOESNT EVEN EXIST! motherfucker.
should i even bother to try and remember what i wrote? nah. suffice it to say, it was slightly funny. not very. just a little.
drove in today. well. no really. i saw the traffic lights, i slowed down and stopped at red lights. no mistakes. i rokka.
yesterday was my last exam! hurrah! spent most of it with rosemary stuffed up my nose (to help with memory) apart from when i tried to walk out the wrong exit to the toilet. yep, i headed out the exam. for a minute there it was unnerving. i couldve been disqualified, and all because of my weak bladder. everyone is still so busy studying tho it sux. went out with domie, joe, fergal and bill to celebrate. the irish fiddling band in the pub were rather jolly. watching charlotte play ffx back at no 67 was cool too, tho she is so way further than me the story keeps getting a little bit more revealed.
tuck banged his head on a sheet of metal getting out of bed tuesday morning. when he went to hospital apparently they wouldnt believe him that it wasnt a stab wound. as domie pointed out, who gets stabbed in the head at 8:30 in the morning? so me and grilly are having a competiton to see who can get stabbed earlier in the morning after its light (so not 2am, thatd be way too easy). have a funny feeling that the winner kind of loses here...
nut cutlets are the way forward. they are so great. u really have to get some. and as for the elusive sozmix, where can i find this holy grail of veganness? answers on a postcard..
saturday night was beths birthday (actually her bday was all of saturday but i only cared about the party). i invited loadsa people to the prince albert fpr drinks after dinner. if you were one of them, i apologise. drunkness and laziness ensured we never made it up the hill. hope u had fun carousing with each other! i had tomatoes for dinner. filled with seeds. cheese removed. and no they wont bring it on a sideplate sorry annabel. dinner was actually fucking great. good conversation, drink, attractive people, what more can you ask for? check me, my overriding memory is becoming the duchess of malmondy, with simon as 'the duch'. see what i did there? well i was drunk... and as for virgins dancing on my tongue, nuff said methinks. but u know u wish ud been there.
im starting to feel a bit like laurence in this pining after the unobtainable. damn. see? i manage to keep this outta the blog for SO long. and there it is popping its cutesy little head round all innocent and wide eyed with a fluffy little tail. or is that p3ta the evil cat who i must take out a restraining order on?
for those of you who werent in chichester lecture theatre on tuesday at 5pm, u missed helene cixous the coolest woman of all time giving a lecture. wow. i am humbled in the presence of a poetic soul. for those of you who were, i hope u too lowered the grade average by walking out of your exam early to be there. we will bring the grade average down comrades!
and finally, lets have a moment of silence for the fallen fish, alphonse, who died in my fish tank on saturday morning. let us all hope that the cat does not dig up his body. thank you.
x