another week done, its almost midnight on saturday night and im sitting here typing this shit. woohoo!

have actually had a surprisingly good set of days. finished my work experience and it had gone so well by the end that they invited me back! yay! seems they werent put off by my stupid hair and tattoos (or were they? i refer you to later on in the blog where i discuss idiot lady journalist). i looked surprisingly respectable in my shirts and nice trousers and i think i almost fooled the regular commuters. what i have learnt from the experience is that london transport is shit, another theme i will return to later.

or now: ok so im meant to be working at the respect festival in victoria park, london today. if i do this then i get to work at reading. booya. so i loom up victoria park on the a to z and its far far away. i know my own ineptitude so i call up london travel info on 0207 222 1234 and ask the easiest and quickest way to get from my house to the park. having followed their instructions to the letter (thats 2 tube rides and a looong bus ride and im now 20 mins late cos of a long wait for the bus) im told by some nice old ladies that im the OTHER SIDE OF LONDON from the park. damn you london travel info, damn you all to hell! so i get back on a bus, get on a train, get on another bus and arrive for work over 2 hours late and very thirsty and stressed and tired. on the way some rude boys were rude, a drunk man invited me home with him but was very nice when i declined and helped me find the park, old ladies actually pushed me ontot the right bus - for old people they were very strong - and ordered the bus driver to let me off at the right stop, a woman working in the same beer tent as me got offended when i packed up a table she wanted to pack up and i had to apologise, the tent manager wouldnt tell me his name and was cuntish to me all shift (until just before he gave me an evaluation form when he suddenly became super nice) and some man got offended cos i asked for salt for my chips and i mocked him when he offered me soy sauce instead. *sigh* some people are so sensitive.

also IDIOT WOMAN BIT some idiot woman came up and basically tried to have a conversation with me while i was working. she said she was playing devils advocate but what she actually did was tell me how with my tattoo id never get a job anywhere and my career would be shit. she was a journalist so she should know. the high point of her argument came when she informed me that i would never be sent out to cover diplomatic functions. i could have cried the dream is shattered. no ferrero rocher for me. oh well, i suppose ill have to go to chiapas to report from there...o ... wait a moment...
yes you idiot woman u r a twat and there is a difference between playing devils advocate and ruining someones hopes. its not like i can just go o yes! ur right! wait a moment will i get some soap and wash off my PERMANENT tattoo.
humph.

im off to brighton tomorrow in theory. i say in theory cos something will happen, u know it will. gotta find a house and buy 66 blank white masks. wicked.

well i bid y'all farewell and goodnight, and if someone could please get rid of that awful comment option id be much obliged.

jess
x

shhhhhhh

i just did a massive fart! hee hee hee, hee hee hee, hee hee hee :)

to save grilly from embarressment, i should also clear up the lighning confusion. the couple lived in a house (house 'a'). it was struck by lightning. then they moved (to house 'b'). Their NEW house was struck by lightning. hence the humour...

oh okay, it sounded better before.

ok Woah! slow down there kids! it all got a bit crowded in my netheadthing,,, too many voices. so why the comment thing? no me gusto. my writing is absolutely superior to anything you could possibly say about it. i spurn your comments. comment on THAT fuckface.

2nd day of work experience over and i must say that i didnt write yesterday because i was recovering from bile poisoning. no not really, that was a euphemism for the impotent rage i felt when i was patronised abused mocked and yelled at on my first day. i also did not get any food. grrr. today was much better and involved me tracking down various people currently making headlines and passing their details on to someone better able to handle them than i. i was jealous of the trolley woman who walks past twice a day and yells 'trolley' at the top of her voice. i bet no-one yells at her...

at any rate it went fine and quickly and was actually enjoyable though i am wondering whether the enjoyment was actually only relative in comparison to yesterday. either way though twas good.

i secured me a place at reading with minimal effort mwahaha. mucho thanks to el juste for mentioning my name to sean as available to work the respect festival this saturday. cue text from sean asking me to work saturday and offering reading as a thank you. purrrrrr. purr purr purr. ok so its not glasto. but - apart from grilly - none of u will be having as fun a weekend as me that weekend :p

if i could access my email account i would probably have a lot more to write about but silkymail is being twattish. so i must content myself - and you - with more remarks on the subject of my work experience... humourous event of the day: my deputy editor attempting to speak in german to a german company that specialises in covering for married men when they have affairs. oh the chortles in the office were a joy to hear.

anyway, on account of working the respect malarky this sat i will be returning to brighton later than previously expected. which means its up to YOU to start looking for a house. get off your ass u lazy dogturd and start looking. good. do not miss me too much mon amigos as i will be back on saturday night..

i should also declare that i spent half an hour today looking up army sex scandals. i was actually really disspointed when NO porn sites came up on the search. what are you all doing with your time?! get out there and start filming some dirty corporal sex! (after youve looked for a house that is...)

jess

rar!
you can now comment on my posts, like in a discussion forum. only more directly and temporarily. grilly posted on that one down there, with a very insightful and well put point that you should all read, lest you become stupid, like the couple who were surprised that there house got struck by lightning more than once.

love

jezzzz

everyone is so sad, like this aura of melancholy just descended on everyone. maybe it was the weather, but i think it has roots way back before you can remember. the weather just made you reasses your life and feel kinda futile. and it sux that that happened but lets be honest, everyone needs some existential angst once in a while. and if its more serious -depression perhaps? - then fear not for the doctors do say that there is a gene (or missing bit) that makes some people more susceptible to depression and mental illness than others. ah, the burden of responsibility for your failings has been removed.

other things the newspapers have taught me:
journalists - especially opinion piece writers - are the most bigoted, sensationalising monarchy loving tory brown nosing futile pointscoring lack of copyediting self righteous lefty baiting cunts. u can tell reading all the dailys is having a profound effect on my life.

a seagull dropped a pigeon it had killed right in front of kate when she was cycling home narrowly missing her head. a seagull dropped a pigeon it had killed on the head of some guy who wrote in to the papers. laurenec watched a seagull die. theres some kind of natural justice there.

andy stayed over. this resulted in him forcibly keeping me awake. thats just rude man. and i REALLY HATE people blowing raspberries on my stomach. tired this morning after not enough sleep i accompanied my father on the weekly trip to tescos, stocked up on soya milk and humous, and cooked a chicken roast for andy and pater on my return. then i went for coffee with some friends of his (and kind of of mine too) and trotted home to start reading yesterdays papers that i hadnt read cos andy is a distracting little bastard (in a lovable way yknow..). so i appear to be the only one awake in my house right now, and i really should be the only one in bed right now.

i have too much work to do.

remember those filofax things? werent they the grossest?

procrastination ends here.
jess

so i dont actually know what youre doing any more, i barely know what im doing! seriously it has just got so hectic this week. cancel my last blog about being excited about camp, they moved this wicked guy andy from our camp to another one which kinda put a sour note on everything. but it should still be good. (she says with the enforced optimism of having a million people in the movement be really pseudo sympathetic and understanding over her anguish and NOT CHANGING A DAMN THING!)

it annoys me that my hectic week has NOT actually been as exciting as kats, my crazy scientist friend currently in the states cutting up plants. she is annoyi9ngly having way more fun than me, arguing about aluminum vs aluminium and other matters of national importance. i on the other hand was ordered to read 6 national newspapers a day (yes, 6) including the mail and the telegraph. o the indignity. not only do i fund cuntish bigoted press, it takes me 2 hours to read each paper. the mathematically proficient among you will have worked out thats 12 hours a day spent reading newspapers. o and fyi slobodan milosevics blood pressure is 200/130. thats the useful stuff my brain is retaining. someday somebodys gonna give me a job for that little titbit. and its all so when i go to the times (also a bigoted pile of trash from my reading) for work experience next week i will know the weeks news. SURELY i could have gleaned a basic grasp of the weeks news from ONE newspaper i whimper? no no youre missing the point. we want you to be a mindless sleep deprived slavish idiot by the time you enter our hallowed doors so you dont even notice our implied sexism. (anyone else catch that by the way? todays article on that footballer and his large financial settlement with his wife. classic.)

so check me reading the dailys until 3 this morning. this after getting caught in a huge fucking storm - somehow despite readin 6 newspapers i really had no idea there were gale warnings. which just goes to show.

this after i declared that hiv was curable. o the shame. hpw mocked i was, how spurned and how humbled now i sit here baring my ineptitude to you all. please forgive me, i was tired and the roof was leaking on me.

i havent even had time to speak to my friends. so sorry all who have left innumerable voice messages on my phone, by september i should have shifted the stress a bit.

so my days have been spent reading papers in the library (im too cheap to buy them) and for gods sake WHY am i the only person who seems to be frustrated by the SCREAMING CHILDREN?! a library is supposed to be quiet for christ sakes. damn that anti smacking bill, i have a whole shelf of heavy books right by my left arm...

shrek 2 is on the cards for tomorrow with lovely sam and wonderful miriam, andy is staying over, and i am going shoe shopping in the morning - even the wicked have to have some rest... no wait... no i think thats wrong... hmmm.

a lovely letter from kate cheered me up but made me sad too as i havent had a chance to call her for a week. i have in fact had to resort to the habit of saving inyeresting emails on my avccount unopened to liven up my highstress days. so grilly and joel you lucky things your emails remain unopened - and they better be worth the anticipation!

stay safe and avoid the seagulls dropping dead pigeons on your head - it happened to kate, it happened to some guy in the paper, and it could happen to you! also humuorous was the couple whose house got struck by lighning twice. huzzah for news!
jess

so i'm all fired up about camp now that i have been reinitiated into the world of reform jewry. hugely looking forward to a bring it on style cheerathon we're planning - my friends and i appear to have monopolised camp somewhat already and are now just planning things and not bothering to inform anyone else...

so its good to be back i guess cos yes i did enjoy it actually more than normal what with all the truly wonderful new people. a fat man sat on me, and on the drive home our car broke down at a major traffic lights on a busy street and had to be pushed by us to safety (but only after we'd sat in it for half an hour freaking out about what to do trying desperately to fix it cue me yelling 'its the spark plugs check the spark plugs' and drivers hooting us angrily and glaring as the manouvered around us.). to my knowledge, the car is still there where we left it (in a parking space not at the lights) but i did abandon the whole operation after 45 minutes of hilarity. check me and my carpushing muscles!

but again there is nothing to do and no-one to do it with. and while im hugely sleepdeprived from the weekend i just cant bear another night in. especially not one watching mrs brown on tv.

luckily pater purchased the guardian and i think i can stretch it to last the evening.

what i forgot to do was buy the sunday times so that i could go to my work experience prepared. doh.

started trawling estate agents websites on the net for a house for me grilly laurence and joel to inhabit but got freaked out after i deciphered the small print on all the agents websites about how they will take your soul as guarantee of payment, rape your mother just in case and incidentally the roof will collapse. all for £1400 a month. yeah i was tempted for a minute there. theres always so much anticipation with a faulty ceiling. you just never know when its gonna go.

jess